Floor It!
by Rot-Chan
Summary: It's not an every day occurrence that you see Uchiha Sasuke run 10 red lights without using his turn signal first. ::SasuNaruSaku AU one-shot; crack.::


**Title**: Floor It!

**Author**: Rot-chan

**Genre/Pairing**: Humor/Crack with a hint of SasuNaruSaku

**Setting**: AU Japan

**Summary**: It's not an every day occurrence that you see Uchiha Sasuke run 10 red lights without using his turn signal first.

**Notes**: I haven't written SasuNaruSaku before. No real romance, but it's implied so I guess that'll suffice. I liked the idea of T7 as a pairing, with a nice dash of crack. I just wrote canon fiction today, so don't shoot. This is based on a real life...we ran all these lights in Washington, D.C. and it still makes me laugh. Review and tell me what you think. Thanks to everybody.

* * *

There was something absolutely wonderful about going on vacation, especially in a busy industrial city like Kumo. There were sights, the sounds - some vulgar and profane, but cultural nonetheless - and amazing shopping outlets; peace, serenity, a break from the troubles of the real world...

"_Hhmmhmmm, hmmhmmhmmmmm_-"

"Naruto, stop humming."

"What's wrong with my humming? Lightens the mood, doesn't it Sakura-chan?"

Sakura frowned as another horn beeped loudly somewhere from behind them. "...I'm _not_ getting involved in another one of your and Sasuke's 'say whose the stupidest and take sides' spats again."

Sasuke glared pointedly in the mirror, "Your and_ Sasuke's_?"

"But - Sakura," Naruto continued in that grating childish way of his, "You know that sitting in traffic - it's just so, so..."

"Boring?" Sakura said in a _'duh, you nimrod' _tone.

"Your fault?" Sasuke supplied flatly.

Naruto rolled his eyes and scoffed. "MY fault? Heh. So it's MY fault that we missed the train and had to take the car, even though _you_, Mr. Shiny Hair Care, were doing who knows WHAT in the bathroom for half an hour."

Sasuke only muttered something unintelligible in response as someone edged in and cut them off to get a single space ahead, which didn't deter Naruto in the slightest.

"For all we know you were probably looking at yourself and fantasizing like, _OOHH_, I'd do me covered in whipped cream and Axe-"

Sasuke cut him off as he beeped the horn for about twenty seconds straight, while a chorus of angry horns sounded around them from three royally pissed drivers who made it clear there was going to be blood if he tried to get into the left lane.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably. How had she ended up sitting in the backseat again? _Oh, right_, she thought to herself bitterly, _Because Naruto giggled that he was 'calling shooot-guuuun' again and you actually felt like being nice and _**_letting_**_ him._

Sakura pulled out her cellphone. Much to her dismay, a bright 6:17 popped up from behind her Hello Kitty screensaver.

Due to a wardrobe malfunction - which was not her fault, since nobody explained it was literally hell getting into a 'body shaping undergarment' (so _not_ a girdle) - and Naruto's getting mayonnaise on his dress shirt...and Sasuke's mysterious 'activities' in the bathroom, they were now late for their dinner reservation.

A very expensive reservation at a very expensive and upscale and restaurant with a waterside view. A waterside view! Since when did they ever go on vacation and get to go somewhere like that?

And with the horrendous traffic, things were getting...tense.

Sakura felt a possible headache beginning to take root in the base of her skull. Leaning forward she asked as gently as possible, "Sasuke, are you sure you can't..."

"Get into the left, Sakura?" Sasuke finished with a bitter and rather little creepy laugh as he turned one evil looking eye to her in the mirror, "No, I've already told you. _It's impossible._"

Naruto frowned. "Geez Sasuke, crawl back into the crypt why don't you."

This, of course, led to an argument over why traffic should not make one 'completely pissy', which only led Sasuke to point out that it was hindering to have the radio on while driving in 'dangerous conditions', further ensuring the headache Sakura had only thought she was getting.

"So what if I feel like listening to rap music! We're not even GOING anywhere."

"It's_ rap music_. Loud, obnoxious, distracting music that's far from practical."

"You - you're so - KILL JOY!"

Yes, Sakura was definitely going to need some Excerderin and her diet coke with lemon. If they actually got there.

* * *

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Sakura opened her eyes, feeling her blood begin to boil.

She checked her compact idly. Her makeup was smudged from sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for the past thirty-five minutes with a migraine, which they couldn't even get_ out of_ because it was impossible to turn off from the street they got stuck in. And her hair was getting frizzy.

_Thump. Thump. THUMP_.

"Na-ru-to," Sakura gave the passenger seat a sharp kick with her high heel. "Quit thumping your head on the seat! Are you a toddler now?"

Sasuke managed to casually add, "Yes."

"Ouch, Sakura!" Naruto whined, ignoring Sasuke as he looked back from his seat at her.

"I have a headache," Sakura smiled. "And if you keep making noise, it'll only get worse." Her voice darkened. "And you _know_ what that means later."

Naruto swallowed and eyed Sasuke nervously, who just raised an eyebrow and turned away wearily, in a way that said 'don't get me involved'.

"Uh...I'm sorry?"

"Apology accepted," Sakura said, before leaning back and rubbing her temples. She was kissing their waterside reservation good-bye right about now. No pretty lights; no amazing view with delicious fillet and champagne...but things usually didn't go quite as planned with the fabulous Wonder Duo anyway.

Sasuke gripped the wheel in frustration as he hit the brakes. They'd caught every red light because traffic was so slow; it was impossible to get anywhere in the rush-hour jam.

"Sasuke, just do something already," Naruto mumbled as he flopped back into his seat with a loud sigh.

So when the light finally turned green, instead of continuing on en route to the next backed-up lane ahead of them, Sasuke swung a dramatic right turn sans the turn signal (which was quite unusual for him), and started to **_speed_**.

"Sas-" Naruto started to sit up in question, but he was thrown back into his seat again as Sasuke began to run every red light on the one way street, going the completely wrong way. Oh yes, that's right. Every. Single. One.

Sakura felt herself begin to freak as she realized they were going to get the biggest fricking ticket of their lives for doing this - but then...Sasuke **speeding** and being this self-righteous hero to get them out of traffic, it was kind of _sexy_ -

Oh hell, they were violating the law here, she needed to snap out of it now!

"SASUKE, TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW, OR, OR STOP THIS CAR AND - _ACK!_" Sakura exclaimed as she flew and lost her balance and lost a kitten heel when Sasuke floored it.

"We need to get to a clear street, that's all, " Sasuke muttered sharply - and was that just a hint of glee in his voice at the notion of being like a law breaker?

The two unlucky passengers clung onto their seats for their lives as Sasuke made a sharp left turn, another jagged _right_ turn, only to swing left again and make some dramatic hand-motions with the steering wheel.

Sakura could feel herself tumbling, so she gripped the back of Sasuke's headrest for support and grabbed his _hair_ in the process, making him nearly run into a mailbox on the corner -

- Causing them to erupt into screams before Naruto threw the wheel in the opposite direction, Sakura let go of Sasuke's head (taking more than a few strands of hair with her), and Sasuke managed to swerve off to the side while bucking to a halt in a parking spot. That was, if you're wondering, legal.

* * *

"So...now what."

Sasuke looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole.

Sakura chewed her lip; that was never a good sign. Naruto was slowly pacing back and forth lackadaisically. The sun was beginning to set, and there was a dull glow over the city as people walked up and down the street around them, talking on phones or carrying shopping bags. "Hey Sakura, sorry about the reserva-"

Sakura held up one palm and breathed evenly. "No, really. Just - don't even say it."

Anyway, they were just lucky they'd managed to locate an actual _parking_ _spot_. And not get fined about a thousand bucks too.

"How'd you even pull that off?" Sakura asked aloud in disbelief from her seat next to Sasuke on the trunk. His shirt and tie were all rumpled, and he was unsuccessfully trying to light his cigarette with her embarrassing cherry lighter (but at this point he was pretty much desperate).

She wordlessly plucked it from his grasp, clicked it twice and held it out for him. He avoid her eyes, before muttering, "...I have experience."

Sakura was very tempted to laugh as she threw the lighter back into her bag. "_Experience?_" She rolled her eyes before she began to sort through her purse for her cellphone. Boys and their melodrama.

"Seven-twelve..." she read out loud. "Well, I guess it's not too late for us to...I don't know, maybe walk somewhere and get something?"

Naruto nodded. "Sure, I'm game."

"Do we have any money for meter?" Sasuke asked sensibly, with a tone that implied he was the only one with any logic whatsoever.

Naruto responded incredulously, "Why's it my job to carry money for the meters?"

Sasuke tch-ed. Sakura stared - he'd seriously just _'tch-ed'._ "You could help out once in a while-"

"I don't see you offering any!"

Sakura walked over, took out a rolled up packet of quarters and began inserting the few she had left into the slot. "There. Hour and a half until it runs out." Both boys stared. "What? I'm always prepared, you know it!" Well, she had them there.

After getting a mediocre burger that was more like meatloaf than anything else - and not nearly as tempting as fillet - the three walked back to the car...only to discover that they had a parking ticket. For being 10 minutes over the meter.

Which lead to another lengthy argument about who made them late this time, that joyfully constituted their conversation on the whole traffic-filled ride back home.

**::End::**


End file.
